"I repeatedly found myself gasping for air. "What am I doing here?" I thought...."What in the world was I thinking? I am not a sports fan!... I thought about Jacob wrestling with the angel. That's when it hit me… I know this feeling. It's grief. (Round and Round part 1)
Attending a wrestling match wasn't as clear cut as I'd hoped it would be. My intention was to watch a round or two, then leave. I had no idea that I would be able to apply this to my life's journey. That's just how God is. He gives us room to plan and map our lives, while He places turns and twists on our journeys to give us better perspectives.
Round and Round PART TWO
The two high school wrestling teams went round after round, grappling with bears or giants, while I sat wringing my hands, waiting for it to be over. On the mat was a desire for victory as well as a temptation to surrender. At the fringes of the mat were the coaches whose discipline and guidance had prepared the wrestlers. I wanted to walk across the gymnasium floor, through the metal doors, and into the fresh night air, but I was compelled to stay. My thoughts turned to Jacob of the Bible, and his all night wrestling match. He didn't know the identity of his opponent, but he was determined to be victorious. How would I fare in such a match?
My unconditioned body and reluctance to be showered in sweat were enough evidence to say that I was no match for the giants and bears taking the mat that evening. Watching those young athletes brought a few thoughts to mind.
Life is much like what happens on the wrestling mat. We're on that mat, surrounded by our teammates, opponents, coaches, and spectators. Like the wrestler, we struggle with what threatens to undermine our equilibrium and endurance. On the list of what threatens to knock me off my balance is grief. Grief is a natural consequence of death and separation, but it can meet us like a bear and overshadow our lives like a giant. The problem for me is that when I struggle with grief, I am like the wrestler who feels unequally matched. Scripture tells me that I won't be given anymore than I can bear, but in my struggle I can feel its heaviness. At times I can't maneuver my way out from its load. I want to give in and give up because in my mind, it's too heavy. Like the wrestlers, I can hear the spectators screaming their advice about what I NEED to do. They tell me they know exactly how I feel. They believe they're encouraging me when they tell me to put the past behind. The problem is, there are too many voices, and if I can't find that ONE voice - the voice that I know - I will be in danger of losing this fight. So I take a breath, and listen. In the middle of all that noise comes the voice of my Coach. The voice of of One who knows the game and has won the match. It's then that I remember, I'm on the winning team.
How about you? Maybe you've been bombarded by spectator coaches. Perhaps grief has overpowered you like a bear, bringing with it a sense of inescapable hopelessness. That's what grief will do. It will press you and sap your strength. But you know something else, don't you? You're a wrestler! You've conditioned! You've trained! You know the rules, and you know that this isn't the end of the match. You know how to break free from being under the weight of this bear. And best of all, you know your Coach's voice! You know that when you stop listening to the crowd and start honing in on the voice of your Coach, He will talk you through it. He will remind you not to surrender to grief. He's telling you that if you will lift one foot at a time you will circle the bear and be on your feet again. Victory is yours when you listen to the right voice.
In comparing wrestling to grief, I asked myself what I know to be true about it as it relates to my life. Here's what I know:
I know that grief is a bear and a giant with the potential to undermine my equilibrium.
I know that my Coach bears the marks of an experienced undefeated wrestler.
I know that I have the privilege to start each round by talking with my Coach.
I know that even when I can't hear his voice, I can trust what He has taught me.
The question then is; Who is your coach?
Suggested reading:
The book of Job
Psalm 30:5
Isaiah 55:1,2
Lamination 3:23
Ephesians 6:12
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